Cat Muses - Cross Body...Line?

Gentlemen, are you doing a cross body lead on the dance floor or are you crossing the line? Ladies, what should you do when a gentleman's actions seem less than innocent?

Social dancing is a close contact sport. After all, we often have to get pretty close to our partners on the dance floor and in the spirit of really feeling the dance, try to "feel" the music and movements.

Respect for your partner is something I believe most, if not all dance schools, emphasize and reiterate in their classes. If that's the case, why are there still gentlemen who do not act as gentlemanly as they are supposed to?

Yes, I'm talking about the hands that shouldn't be where they are. Yes, the accidental brushing against the side of her breasts, the gentle "caress" of her waist. Since this tends to happen to ladies more than gentlemen, this post shall focus more on these occurrences.

Before the men raise their arms in protest, do know that ladies are aware that it isn't easy being a lead and accidents do happen. However, please do know this as well:

Ladies know when your touch is more than just innocent.

That means that gentlemen should NOT assume that they can do something funny and get away with it.

Sorry if I am coming across strongly about this topic because this is a very serious problem that kills the scene. I have heard of ladies who gave up dancing because they were so traumatized by misbehaving gentlemen.

Gentlemen, whether by accident or intention, have you ever been guilty of one of the following?

• Placing part of your hand along the side of her breasts in an embrace position or during a cross body lead type of move


• Brushing your hand along her waist in a non-innocent manner


• Running your hand up and down her back, hip etc


• Placing/brushing your hand on an inappropriate area eg her breasts, butt.


• Pulled a lady unnecessarily too close


• Kept a lady in a lock position, pulled up against you

This list does not try to be exhaustive but these are some common examples of what has happened on the dance floor before.

For a gentleman, how do you know if you are being rude? Most of the time, if you do not have the intention, it would not translate into actions such as those listed above. However, if accidents do happen, please do apologise. A simple guideline is not to do what you would not to a woman you respect because I repeat:

Ladies know when your touch is not innocent.

As for ladies, should you be a victim of such behaviour, please don't suffer in silence. After all, it is your own modesty at stake here. There are many wonderful gentlemen out there who are sincerely out for a good night of dancing only. Actually, most of them are so don't let such incidents tar the bigger picture of good, clean fun in social dancing.

It is important to take personal responsibility when these things happen. After all, it is harder for people on the side to see what's happening to you.

That being said, accidents do happen. However, if you are very sure that a gentleman is not being just accidental, here are some simple tips:

• Use your frame or your styling to put the offending hands in place. Personally I have swatted a few hands off my waist before (laughs)


• Give him a sharp look if he continues the offensive behaviour


• Tell him firmly if he ignores your hints


• Stop dancing and walk away if the situation goes out of hand

Some of the measures above may seem a little drastic so exercise discretion when you execute them. While it is good to give the gentlemen the benefit of the doubt, do exercise your rights when you are certain that a gentleman has crossed the line.

As for gentlemen, please do not use social dancing as an excuse to touch the ladies more than necessary. If you insist on getting your kicks this way, my advice to you is: Leave.

The reason is simple. The scene isn't that big so word does get around. A gentleman who does not respect ladies while dancing will earn a reputation easily. Don't be surprised if you find yourself alone one day with no lady willing to dance with you or leave you embarrassed in the middle of a dance floor halfway through a song.

Catherine is currently an instructor with En Motion Dance School. She believes social dancing should be enjoyable and enjoys dancing as a form of expression. Leave a comment (preferred!) or contact her at catherine@dance-en-motion.com

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Questions and Answers

A reply to a question from the last post. What does it mean to swoon a lady?
In a response to last month's article, someone asked what it means to swoon a lady. Honestly, there is no right or wrong answer to this. However, there are some things which do seem to pop up often whenever ladies talk about a fabulous experience they have.

Smile and make eye contact.

I am not talking about the plastered smile nor the creepy smile that sends ladies running off in the opposite direction. Smile sincerely and ladies would most likely smile back in return. Smiling = happiness. Easy enough yes? Ladies may be equally nervous too so smiling can go a long way into turning the dance into one that is fun and easy for both parties. Making eye contact is a sign of confidence and it shows engagement with the partner. Just be careful where you are looking!


Be a gentleman.

I can't say this enough. I have spoken to ladies who have revealed that they were totally swooned after dancing with gentlemen who made them feel like a woman. While that sounds a little abstract, they did mention about the gentleman providing a simple but clear lead throughout the dance while always taking care of her safety first. Like one lady put it, "I didn't have to think about anything at all. I just had to follow. Even if it was just a cross body lead turn, he would be there to catch me by the time I finished my turn. I felt very well taken care of."

Gentlemen also know how to keep a respectful distance from ladies and watch where their hands go. If the lady senses that the gentleman is being respectful, she would feel more comfortable with letting him into her space.

Conversely, ladies can spot a gentleman with questionable intentions instinctly and you can be sure, other ladies will know about it by the end of the night even if they have not danced with the man. I would suggest looking elsewhere if any gentleman had such intentions.


Be yourself.

Dancing is a form of expression. While there are moves, there is also room for personal expression. What may look stylish on another person may not be for you. As long as you play safe and nice, there is no harm in finding your personal style which may well become a trademark that ladies remember you for.

Have fun!

This is probably the most important point of all. Have good natured fun and your partner would have fun too. Ladies are more likely to feel swooned by a gentleman who's having fun and and including her too.

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Cat Muses - Fashion Etiquette

Dress to dance, not kill. Simple tips on how to dress to make social dancing a comfortable and safe experience for your partner and you.






by Catherine

Now before you get the wrong idea, I am not here to comment about how to look fashionable on the dance floor. I believe there are people out there who are much better at being the fashion police. Instead, here are some tips to make social dancing a pleasant and safe (yes, safe!) experience for your partner and yourself.

1. Dress Comfortably.

With all that hip action and tangling of arms in pretzel-like partnerwork, you would want to be sure that nothing gets in the way (e.g. a stiff shirt that would tear at the seams if you raised your arm) or out of the way (think wardrobe malfunction ala Janet Jackson style). Ladies, make sure your tops, straps and all are secure! Make that a double alert if you are wearing tube tops.

2. Bling Safely.

We all love to add some snazz to our outfits like we do to our moves but accessories can be hazardous on the dance floor. Here's a rough guide:

• Rings. Avoid wearing rings unless they are thin and smooth. Rings, especially those with stones protruding out, would likely scratch your partner's fingers in the midst of turns.
  
• Bangles & Bracelets. Bracelets with hanging trinkets may scratch your partner's face or get caught with clothing or hair. Bangles may fly right out of your arm or get caught with clothing. Hence, avoid if possible.
  
• Necklaces. Long hanging necklaces could give your partner a slap across the face so stick to necklaces that are short in length or closer to the neck.
  
• Earrings. Generally safe except for the really long ones that could get caught in ladies' hair which may result in a rather painful removal process.

The general rule is to avoid wearing anything sharp or could be potentially dangerous to your partner or yourself.

3. Beat The Heat (And The Sweat)

Social dancing can leave you breathless at the end of the night but it could also leave you with soaking wet with sweat by the time you step out of the club. While sweating may say how much fun you had on the dancefloor, it also says volumes about other things. Hence, try these:

• Invest in a deodorant. You have gotten all the right moves, the best smile and the sexiest styling imaginable so why let nature's natural odor response to sweat take away the smile on your partner's face? It is a form of courtesy to your partner as well.
  
• Bring along a towel or change of clothes. If you are aware that you tend to sweat more than usual after dancing, bring along a towel or change of clothes. Ever seen the gentlemen or ladies who walked into the club with one outfit and left with another? It's all in the name of making the dance more comfortable for your partner. Save the wet t-shirt look for the beach or a fashion magazine spread.
  
• Sexyback? While that back baring outfit is very sexy (oh don't we love to indulge ourselves and I am sure the men love it too), it can be a somewhat slippery and awkward experience for your partner when he goes into embrace or other positions that involve holding your back. Hence, look into the tip above or perhaps indulge a little less frequently? Keep that sexyback though!
  

The most important thing is to stay comfortable and dress safely. Outfits should enhance your moves and look on the dancefloor instead of impeding them or creating danger to yourself and others. Hope these notes help in making your social dance experience more pleasant for yourself and your partner!

EDIT 29 Oct 2008: Do read the comments for reader suggestions!

Catherine is currently an instructor with En Motion Dance School. She believes social dancing should be enjoyable and enjoys dancing as a form of expression. Leave a comment (preferred!) or contact her at catherine@dance-en-motion.com

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Cat Muses - It's Not Just About Moves

Do you feel stressed out by having to remember moves for dancing? Do you find yourself constantly trying to learn new moves to impress the ladies? A lot of gentlemen seem to pay attention to moves, particularly turn patterns, in social dancing but are moves all there is to social dancing?

by Catherine

I notice some interesting occurrences while social dancing at times:

1) Gentlemen who would observe other gentleman dancing intently while trying to remember some of the cool moves executed.

2) Gentlemen who would apologize for ‘running out of moves’.

Now there is really nothing wrong with wanting to learn more moves. It’s really great to see that actually. However, whenever a gentleman apologizes to me in the middle of social dancing and for all reasons, for ‘running out of moves’, I get a big question mark in my head.

Why apologize?

I also notice how often gentlemen shy away from social dancing because of the thought of not having enough moves or feel ready to execute them and how sometimes gentlemen get stressed over moves. Isn’t it ironic to stay away from dancing just when doing more of it would actually help to advance more ease in doing it? Are moves really all there is to a fabulous dancer?

I may not be qualified to say what makes a fabulous dancer but from the perspective of an often appreciative audience, I would say a dancer who catches my eyes is one who captivates with his or her joy in dancing because end of the day, aren’t we all dancing to have fun and look good on the dance floor? For most of us, at least. Sure, the man with the intriguing moves captures attention but so does the confident man who his enjoying his dance and also having a great time with his partner.

If someone were to ask a lady for her most memorable dances, chances are she would reply “oh I liked dancing with him because the lead was so smooth”, “because he was so easy to follow”, “he really took care of me” and get this one: “because he made me feel like a lady.”

I remember something a teacher I respect and some fellow dancers said. In the absence of exact memory, it went something like: “Ladies may not remember you for all the complex moves but they certainly would remember if you hurt them.” While it is not exactly meant to be a commandment, it does say that it is important to take care of your lady. On a side note, it is something I personally believe in. Other ladies may beg to differ but I would feel more comfortable with a lead who leads comfortably than a lead who constantly tries complex moves with disregard for the lady’s safety. Of course, sometimes we do get our feet stepped on and the gentlemen can’t save us in time but I think most ladies are pretty forgiving. I can’t remember the guy who gave me a bruised toe nor the guy who left my elbow numb all night.

Social dancing, like most social activities, is meant to be social. This does not only refer to the setting in which we meet new people and dance with different people. Social dancing is like a conversation between two people. Instead of words, we have lead and follow. That being said, I also see one-sided conversations on the dance floor.

So what does this mean for the gentleman?

I am not discouraging gentlemen from learning new moves. In fact, it gives the ladies as much joy in being surprised by a new move as much as the gentlemen derive from executing it. Finding new moves allows one to explore new horizons in dancing. However, it isn’t everything to dancing. Social dancing is about dancing someone else so dance with your partner. I repeat, WITH your partner. The same goes for both gentlemen and ladies.

We call the women ladies and men, gentlemen. So all one needs to be a great lead is to be a gentleman-respect her personal space, take care of her and swoon her! Most people just want to relax and let their hair down for some fun so take good care of each other, watch your dance space, relax, have fun and have a great conversation!

Catherine is currently an instructor with En Motion Dance School. She believes social dancing should be enjoyable and enjoys dancing as a form of expression. Leave a comment (preferred!) or contact her at catherine@dance-en-motion.com

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