Social dancing is a close contact sport. After all, we often have to get pretty close to our partners on the dance floor and in the spirit of really feeling the dance, try to "feel" the music and movements.
Respect for your partner is something I believe most, if not all dance schools, emphasize and reiterate in their classes. If that's the case, why are there still gentlemen who do not act as gentlemanly as they are supposed to?
Yes, I'm talking about the hands that shouldn't be where they are. Yes, the accidental brushing against the side of her breasts, the gentle "caress" of her waist. Since this tends to happen to ladies more than gentlemen, this post shall focus more on these occurrences.
Before the men raise their arms in protest, do know that ladies are aware that it isn't easy being a lead and accidents do happen. However, please do know this as well:
Ladies know when your touch is more than just innocent.
That means that gentlemen should NOT assume that they can do something funny and get away with it.
Sorry if I am coming across strongly about this topic because this is a very serious problem that kills the scene. I have heard of ladies who gave up dancing because they were so traumatized by misbehaving gentlemen.
Gentlemen, whether by accident or intention, have you ever been guilty of one of the following?
- Placing part of your hand along the side of her breasts in an embrace position or during a cross body lead type of move
- Brushing your hand along her waist in a non-innocent manner
- Running your hand up and down her back, hip etc
- Placing/brushing your hand on an inappropriate area eg her breasts, butt.
- Pulled a lady unnecessarily too close
- Kept a lady in a lock position, pulled up against you
This list does not try to be exhaustive but these are some common examples of what has happened on the dance floor before.
For a gentleman, how do you know if you are being rude? Most of the time, if you do not have the intention, it would not translate into actions such as those listed above. However, if accidents do happen, please do apologise. A simple guideline is not to do what you would not to a woman you respect because I repeat:
Ladies know when your touch is not innocent.
As for ladies, should you be a victim of such behaviour, please don't suffer in silence. After all, it is your own modesty at stake here. There are many wonderful gentlemen out there who are sincerely out for a good night of dancing only. Actually, most of them are so don't let such incidents tar the bigger picture of good, clean fun in social dancing.
It is important to take personal responsibility when these things happen. After all, it is harder for people on the side to see what's happening to you.
That being said, accidents do happen. However, if you are very sure that a gentleman is not being just accidental, here are some simple tips:
- Use your frame or your styling to put the offending hands in place. Personally I have swatted a few hands off my waist before (laughs)
- Give him a sharp look if he continues the offensive behaviour
- Tell him firmly if he ignores your hints
- Stop dancing and walk away if the situation goes out of hand
Some of the measures above may seem a little drastic so exercise discretion when you execute them. While it is good to give the gentlemen the benefit of the doubt, do exercise your rights when you are certain that a gentleman has crossed the line.
As for gentlemen, please do not use social dancing as an excuse to touch the ladies more than necessary. If you insist on getting your kicks this way, my advice to you is: Leave.
The reason is simple. The scene isn't that big so word does get around. A gentleman who does not respect ladies while dancing will earn a reputation easily. Don't be surprised if you find yourself alone one day with no lady willing to dance with you or leave you embarrassed in the middle of a dance floor halfway through a song.
Catherine is currently an instructor with En Motion Dance School. She believes social dancing should be enjoyable and enjoys dancing as a form of expression. Leave a comment (preferred!) or contact her at catherine@dance-en-motion.com
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